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Let's call this journal entry as "I've never been so wrong LEVEL 2: madness from the sadness"
I. Will. NEVER. get. people. Never say never? The hope should die last? Okay, but never say it to me when we talk about mayority of people,especially on wonderful DA.
Message box spams me from time to time "xxxxx added you to deviantWATCH" me: Really.... >cleans the spam< YOU SPAM, NOT WATCHERS. Over 400? I can understand you don't like Poke-science and REALLY unique take over Pokemon. ESPECIALLY when I add notes to the design to make it "better" because I describe what's there and there instead of swelling the description. I don't mind you don't like my "notes", we all have different likes.
So I worked few days on drawing, that doesn't has Poke-science, it has liked meme, it IS funny, it has greatly drewn Pokemon and it's Swampert, it has beautiful sky in the background. Gets the amount of favs and comments LIKE(the same) some MESSY DREWN IN 15-30 MINUTES sketches/speedpaints. .................................... KELPIE KELDEO AND HUNGRY KYUREM! WHAT I WAS THINKING,that I REALLY can guess how to put in quality and effort?! I am pushing myself and start keeping self-discipline to improve and care about the quality of things I want to submitt here; WHEN YOU HAVE SEEN MESSY SKETCH LATELY? HM? seems I am so stupid, keeping over 40 files on my computer to nail them at last a bit. TO WHO?! There always been people who enjoyed even the ugliest things I submitted here(like before I've learned to draw human and propertly Greninja and Swampert)
I also talked with friends on stream about things I want to draw but are NOT Pokemon. Like old Magnadramon fanart. Brain stop thinking, when you mix with the part that gives my feelz and emotions...
thaaaaanks now I am EVEN MORE demotivated to draw comic AND animations to it; I have planned storyboard FIGHT with Pyroars inspired by AND WITH this music:
But it will need A LOT of motivation and effort for at last messy speedpaints :Y I want to painfully work on things for what? ONLY my own pleasure? okay, I feel look, it's internet, place where people can see only tip of their nose, Weirda! Welcome to DA, place with art when you submitt and then a spin of lottery wheel chooses what will be liked, NOT YOU, hooray! Forget your perfectiosim, logic and understanding ME: Pardon, but It's internet Me:but it's DA INTERNET BEHAVIOUR, INTERNET BEHAVIOR EVERYWHERE Me:nooo I refuse! Fav & run, fav & run everywhere ME:NOOO I won't do that to them! but everyone does me:Excuse my manners, I KNOW RIGHT?!
Yes, I am mad; I wanna try to nail short poem for Dr.Stein fanart. SANDSCREW all the people who clicked "watch" button on my profile out of boredom. I am not doing fanservice. I just live, because I know what four letters of the word "life" or "love" mean. Now excuse me, I have to talk to people who threw a tantrum and hate out of not undertsnading things or comment all awesome ART and maybe artWORKS. This place is so inspiring, but indeed, somehow it's part of the internet that sucked people and they act like in other places in the internet. SO RANDOM. Calling some people "animals" makes offended animals theirselves. They at last know what they want AND they never lie or have such ugly heart. That's why I also love biology so much. It's waste of time to leanr about people. I will never get them.
----Weirda---- Oh I don't care to draw faster or draw some popular Pokemon like Greninja or Blaziken or Lucario heehee NOPE. Imma draw what I want and might even FORGET to submitt. It will be on my computer and never in the internet. I can share only with my best friends here, even only sketches-I will be happy anyway. Best things in life are NOT things. It's time you spend and talk with friends and lovely people, they're memories, they're our feels. NOT THINGS. Like all those pixels I create to spam my profile. I cannot describe when I get into madness-sadness feel. IT'S JUST WEIRD
What I want now? To DELETE, kick out mayority of my deviantWATCH. DeviantarArt, please, let me to DO IT. MY DREAM NOW. The world will be better when I will have space to breath and reach my friends better with my arms and words.
>phew there are not enought words to cure that, but I think it worked<